


McBitch

by Moonprincess92



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Kissing, Meet-Cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 10:31:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12297345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonprincess92/pseuds/Moonprincess92
Summary: “I want you to kiss me.”In which Jyn's life is ending, and she asks the first guy she sees for help.





	McBitch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jenniferjun1per](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenniferjun1per/gifts).



> Prompt was "fake dating" :D

Fuck.

Fuckity fuck.

That bitch was heading her way and unless she did something stat, Jyn Erso may as well kiss her miserable excuse for a life goodbye. She probably ( _100%_ ) should not have had that second wine earlier, but her day had rather called for it and naturally, it was hard to resist when you had good-for-nothing best friends in the background yelling over the pounding of the bass, “So you got fired! Fucking drink, bitch, and you’ll forget all about it!”

“Until I wake up tomorrow with no job,” Jyn had pointed out earlier that evening.

“Tomorrow’s tomorrow, this is now!” Bodhi had called out to her, before naturally getting distracted by his newest piece of ‘mancake’ (who was admittedly kind of hot at least this time, in a Californian surfer dude kind of way).

Hence the reason she was now well on her way to Trolleyed Town, when JUST HER GODDAMN LUCK, Queen McFuck Your Boyfriend showed up.

Somewhere up there (or down there? She was casting a bit of judgement now) The Big G himself was splitting a rib laughing at her.

“Quick!” she slammed her glass down and turned to the first person she could see – a kind of scruffy, yet not-un-handsome dark-haired bloke sat on the barstool next to her. “We have to do something!”

The bloke ignored her completely.

“WHY AM I DOOMED TO DIE OF PURE HUMILIATION?”

“I’m sorry–? Are you talking to me?” the bloke finally turned.

“Finally! I am graced with His Majesty’s presence!” Jyn would have curtseyed, if she weren’t already sat down on her own bar stool and too worried about her balance should she get off. “I literally have less than 30 seconds before McBitch shows her face and I’m not at the point of literally running away yet, so you have to help me!”

“McBitch?”

“KEEP THE FUCK UP, she slept with my boyfriend!” Jyn yelled.

High and Mighty Scruffy Boi crinkled his nose as he glanced around in confusion. Maia (otherwise known as ‘McBitch’) had almost certainly spotted her at this point, if the little wave was anything to go by. Damn her and her perfectly straightened hair, deep tan and baby blues that she swore could rope in demons if she truly put her talents to work. Not that Maia had ever lifted a manicured finger for herself in her entire life. Scruffy Boi was eyeing her appreciatively, so Jyn groaned and tugged on his shoulder.

“Do not be taken in by the hotness,” she insisted. “She will roast your insides and eat you alive.”

“How could you still be alive if she’s already roasted your insides?”

“SCRUFFY BOI, KEEP UP,” she cried. “I cannot let her win!”

“Well, what the hell do you want me to do about it?” Scruffy Boi asked, eyes slightly unfocused as if this constant back and forth conversion was whooshing straight over his head, along with her dignity and self-respect, particularly in the wake of what she was about to say next. Did she have much choice?

She was already regretting it.

“I want you to kiss me.”

No, she truly didn’t wake up this morning thinking that she was going to end up here. Believe it or not, but Jyn Erso usually lived a very quiet life! She lived alone, she loved tea and snuggly blankets and occasionally entertained the odd guest (which basically just meant Bodhi coming over and eating out her entire fridge).  She had done the crazy shit already. She wasn’t 16 and on the streets anymore, drinking until 5am and sleeping with Scott Melshi (now THERE was a mistake). Nopity nope, she was a self-confessed grandma now, and she was totally ok with that! She only wanted what everyone else in their late 20s wanted: a stable job and living without the debilitating fear that she was going to die alone and in debt.

Of course McBitch had to move in.

She honestly wasn’t quite sure what had come over her in asking this very random, very bewildered (albiet very cute) guy to kiss her, but what could she say, she was on a roll here. She knew it sounded ridiculous, even as the words were coming out of her mouth, but she hadn’t stopped them. She knew that she didn’t live in a romance novel like that line seemed to have apparently walked straight out of. In fact, Jyn was 100% certain that he was about two seconds away from telling her to fuck off, which would be fair. Honestly, since it was years ago Jyn wasn’t really pissed about the whole ‘being cheated on’ thing anymore, it was more the fact that McBitch seemed to think they were still BFFs for some unholy reason (did  _‘you slept with my boyfriend and I hate you’_  mean nothing?) so she would honestly just take what she could get.

Scruffy boi started laughing. He was shaking his head and as he drained the last of his drink and Jyn sighed in exasperation.

“Fine, go on then. Laugh it up, mate,” she said. “My life is now a sham, thanks to you! I hope you realise–”

Somewhere in between his laughing and her complaining, she had apparently failed to realise that he had slipped off his bar stool and now stood in front of her. In fact, she didn’t realise anything at all until he was cutting off her words, kissing her with the kind of passion that can only come from third drinks and late hours.

 _Well, holy shit_.

The bar stool she sat on gave her the added height she needed to comfortably reach his lips, and Jesus Christ, what a pair of lips they were. She always liked to think that she’d been not just kissed, but Kissed™ at least a fair few times throughout her life, but apparently she was wrong. Scott Melshi had been an opening act. Scruffy Boi was where it was at and she didn’t think, she only felt with a kind of blind  _ohmygodohmygodohmygod_ panic. Where was fucking Bodhi when she was the one finally being the wild one for a change? Scruffy Boi gripped her hips in a way that made her stomach flip and she separated her knees, drawing him in, dragging him closer –

“Oh my god, Jyn! Haven’t seen you in forever – have I caught you at a bad time?”

_Bitch, you can very well see that this is a fucking bad time!_

Jyn pulled away in very un-fake irritation. She kept an arm slung around Scruffy Boi’s shoulders and she turned to face McBitch. “Oh, Maia. You could not have turned up at a worse time. How’s it going, girl?”

“Oh, so great, thanks for asking,” Maia simpered

“Was there anything you actually wanted? ‘cause I’m kind of busy…”

She felt Scruffy Boi’s lips pressed firmly to her neck, travelling the skin there and quite honestly, it was making it very difficult to think. He was apparently taking her request to heart and Jyn noticed Maia’s eyes narrowing slightly as she watched.  _Time to milk this_. “Hey, babe,” she nudged Scruffy’s Boi’s head with her own, making him glance up. “This is Maia, we knew each other back in the day.”

“Oh hey, Cassian,” he introduced himself. He pressed closer to Jyn, occupying her space with his hands at her hips. “I’m the boyfriend.”

 _Yeah, you are_.

“I didn’t even know you were dating again!” Maia said in false happiness.

“Yes, this is CASSIAN, my BOYFRIEND,” Jyn practically yelled. Quite frankly, her quota to hold inane conversations had been used up and she made a point to turning back to Scruffy Boi (wait, Cassian,  _of course the guy’s name is Cassian, you never could choose a Peter or a John could you?_ ). She didn’t give him any warning when she kissed him this time, but she hoped to god that he’d just roll with it and he did. They were probably way too overly-enthusiastic, but there was just enough tongue to make her stomach churn and she found her hands snaking up around his neck, into his hair.

It took several minutes for Maia to finally get the hint and trill, “Um, byeeeee then!” before flouncing off through the club.

Jyn hastily pulled back from him, praying that her face wasn’t as red as it felt.

“Oh good god,  _thank you_ ,” she breathed with relief.

“I – shit – I mean,” he laughed nervously, stepping back out of her arms. “No problem.”

“I didn’t even say – my name’s Jyn.”

“Cassian,” he reiterated for her. Bizarrely, he held out a hand for her to shake and she took it. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too.”

“I feel like I’m kind of owed an explanation for… well, whatever all that was,” Cassian pulled back to wave his hand in the general direction that Maia had gone off to. “I don’t know… did you want a drink or something?”

It only took her about five seconds to make the decision.

“Sounds great.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I literally called this fic "McBitch" there was nothing else it could be, hahahahhaah 
> 
> ANYWAY, written for the lovely Jen, I hope you and everyone else liked it!!!! (FUN FACT: I actually recycled this plot from an old fic in a diff fandom that I never actually finished hahaha). Please let me know what you thought! 
> 
> MUCH LOVE   
> XOXO


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